Ultimate Dating Fail

Fail

2-18-09

These are the words of Melissa

———————————————————————————————-

HERE IS EVERYTHING ALL IN ORDER

this is the day before our date – i guess i had just given him my legit email addy (i tried to log into match and pull our emails on there, but they are long gone by now :

From: Dan
Date: Tue, May 13, 2008 at 2:45 AM
Subject: test
To: Melissa

goodnight pretty lady
goodnight pretty moravian

nice to talk to you!

Dave

a little odd that hes bringing up my religion, but i guess i had been explaining it to him earlier?

—

i also thought it was interesting that he sent his java email to me and to his work email addy… like, did he want to SHOW it to his friends at work or something????

From: Dan
Date: Thu, May 15, 2008 at 9:29 PM
Subject: GOLDIES!!!!
To: Melissa
Cc: Dan

Melissa,
Had a great time meeting you last night- although I don’t remember getting a thank you for the drinks . Let me know if your “dating algorithm”, after all inputs from inheritance class (source file) “MalesArousedByMelissa” returns the correct object “Dan” from class “UltimateSexMachineMelissaCantLiveWithout” so I can take you out on a formal date. I could write a song or a poem, but just this time, for your highly intelligent left hemisphere, I constructed a Java Applet- just for you- called ManSorter.java. Using this application, you can clearly see why you should allow me to ask you out again.

import objectdraw.*;
import java.awt.*;
/**
* This program uses a novel algorithm to quantitatively analyze and assess characteristics of Melissa’s male suitors
(includes real-time objective quantitative data on charisma and personality, goals-set/goals-attained ratios, penis size [and associated wielding skills], potential for a happy and successful future, probability of divorce, various dating statistics among 768 other int value data inputs).
The compiled algorithm yields object [name] of Melissa’s best match, saving much valuable time and opening up a world of unprecedented happiness.
*/
public class ManSorter extends WindowController {
{
// Variables of qualities and ratings of suitors
private MalesArousedByMelissa everyone;
private RealtimeSuitorStats dontDateLosers;
private ScheduledDatesWithRandomBoys notNecessary;
}

public void begin() {

public everyone statSort () {
return: list)
}

public void realTimeSuitorStats.arrage () {
return: list.sort(){
}
}

public void computeGuyMelissaShouldHangOutWithAndLetHelpWithHerNewApertment (){
return.topMan (){
{

Public void addToCanvas.topMan() {
{

{ topMan = DAN. rank #1 of 5,301,000)

{

topMan.showStats(){
Mature
Successful
VERY [i]well-endowed[/i]…
Can fix up your apartment in one day
Wont rush things
Think we have a chance
If you want more dating “experience” be my guest, but lets go out tomorrow night unless you have another date

public void manSorterSuggestions () {
Go out with Dan again.
Unless you’re actually seriously dating someone else right now and not telling me (totally possible for all I know), there’s nothing wrong with going on a date tomorrow night and hanging out at my apt. But, again, if you have something to hide or can’t break your dating rules, at least let me know if I can take you out tomorrow night, or in a few weeks…

ScheduledDatesWithRandomBoys = dull conversations and feeling of dissatisfaction;
}
}
}

—

the gmail convo that ensued

10:33 PM Dan: how’s the sanding?
how’s the sanding?
10:36 PM i can bring a power-sander!!!
43 minutes

11:19 PM me: ok, im not gonna lie to you, this email…. mn, there isnt an appropriate smiley for my response

suffice it to say, while its kinda cute that you wrote it in a programming language (even if its one that I hate), what I’ve read of it so far … well it fucking worries me

11:20 PM Dan: haha ok
sorry

me: no, like really

Dan: yeah i just fired it off… maybe too much
well i guess that settles that
sorry

11:21 PM me: yea you could say that (about the “maybe too much”)

Dan: it wasn’t meant to be so literal, but i obviously missed the mark

11:22 PM me: oh im not saying im taking it all literally

Dan: so sorry if i offended you

me: truthfully, i havent even gotten past the first screen, and im not even sure if i should continue to read…

11:23 PM Dan: i just through it together… i was bored… it was dumb
threw*

11:24 PM me: im a little offended (i mean, quite frankly at this point in time, its a bit presumptuous to be telling me how well endowed you are)
but mostly, it makes me wonder what made you think some of this content was a good idea….

Dan:well you asked me if i was a virgin last night

me: no i didnt

Dan: that was quite unexpected

me: i said i tried to put that on my profile

11:25 PM Dan: and then you asked me if i was
well i dont know you well enough to be arguing with you
sorry for offending you
11:26 PM you seem really angry

me: no im not
im just, well shocked mostly

Dan: was it just me that set you off?
11:27 PM yeah, probably a little innapropriate… but now i know what shocks you
well i appologize again…
11:29 PM is it something you can overlook? you don’t have a full understanding of my sense of humor… im typically not crude, rude, jealous… i can see how it maybe came off that way
11:31 PM i want to take you out again, but it sounds like you’ve got a lot lined up and you’re still learning what’s out there
but i could buy you dinner tomorrow night
11:33 PM im not an immature, just in it for sex, jealous, white trash guy

me: yea… i mean, im not gonna lie, the email was… wow yea
so, anyways, i mean i got this impression before last night and a little last night and now definatley after that email – you’re just a little over zealous for me

Dan: it this was enough to turn you off then that’s great we figured it out

me: yea

11:34 PM Dan: well… last night was the first date ive been on in about 2 years… so yeah… maybe i lost some tact over that period
11:35 PM well so i guess it’s settled now…
bummer

11:36 PM me: i mean, you’re a nice guy
but, just, over zealous, i think is the best way to describe it
and im sure there aer girls that works for
but it kind of scares me

Dan: haha
11:37 PM well, i’d say excited… and bored… and i miss being close to a nice girl
im not over zealous… maybe just a little tactless and a little too exced
11:38 PM well for the next girl i’ll turn it down a notch
sorry i fucked it up with you

me: yea, its a bit overwhelming

11:39 PM Dan: you just have more dating experience than me… over the last few years

me: yea

Dan: like, how?
im not going to stalk you

me: like

Dan: ill never talk to you again after tonight

me: ok, i dont mean this meanly but this is the best way i know how to describe it

11:40 PM Dan: go for it…
i wont get mad

me: nah, nevermind

Dan: say it!
11:41 PM please
be nice

me: over-eager puppy, is the phrase that comes to mind

11:42 PM Dan: well… yeah… i was almost crippled… havent had sex in 2 years… just getting back in shape
so sorry
and thanks for the sympathy
but seriously… it’s good to know that’s how I came off
11:43 PM ill man up and get back in the groove
i was never rejected before this whole major injury thing
never had dating issues
so this is a first

11:44 PM me: sorry

11:45 PM Dan: i guess im just feeling so much better now and it’s like i have my life back again so i want to jump right in… but to the outside it comes off a little desparate/over-eager

11:46 PM me: just… tone it down some, best advice i can offer

Dan: so honestly, how many other guys are you talking to now?
gotcha
i will

me: potential dates? 2 or 3
actually been discussed and planned? none yet

11:48 PM Dan: well are you patient enough to go out with me again… we can just have another drink at goldies tomorrow night

11:49 PM me: no, i dont think so
but i wish you the best of luck

Dan: you wont have to be patient for long

then the emails, after i blocked him on gmail chat

On Thu, May 15, 2008 at 11:55 PM, Dan wrote:
what’s the harm with just hanging out and talking. it doesnt always have to be about yes, or no. there’s other things like visiting… talk, etc. you really didnt just block me did you? thats rough

On Thu, May 15, 2008 at 11:57 PM, Melissa wrote:
see, this is what i mean
over zealous

bye

On Fri, May 16, 2008 at 12:09 AM, Dan wrote:
Well, I’ve never met such a selfish “professional” dater… It’s always just yes or no with you… so focused on what YOU think you want, so afraid of conversation or change… confident, attractive, intelligent, but maybe just selfish and insecure… I wish you the best of luck. I’m always willing to improve myself and work things out, you won’t even offer yourself the chance to see how eagerly and successfully I’ll take your positive criticisms. But it doesn’t work with someone who has no regard for any sort of middle ground. I never even got a “thank you” for last night… Maybe that’s a good tip-off for the future, too. I’m going to take this experience and learn from it… and change. I hope you can humble yourself enough to see if there are things that you can improve in your personal life. I’m willing to change… to prove myself to you, but you seem too self-absorbed and intolerant. I wish you the best of luck, and thanks for the advise. You will never hear from me again!

On Fri, May 16, 2008 at 12:16 AM, Melissa wrote:
I did thank you.

And no, its not always yes or no. But, yea if I don’t want to go to your apartment or don’t want you to come to mine, on the first date, then a no is a no.

I’ve ignored warning signs in the past with guys, to my detriment and I’m working on not doing that this time around.
Sorry, I think its for the best for both of us.

And seriously, we shouldn’t be having to “work things out” after the first date. That doesn’t bode well for a relationship.

On Fri, May 16, 2008 at 12:39 AM, Dan wrote:
well talk less and listen more. maybe you’ll be learn to distinguish between detrimental warning signs and genuine integrity

re: Obama- I Denounce AND Reject Farrakhan

ITHAPPENED – Barack Obama gained the support of Louis Farrakhan – and it became evident during the February 26th Democratic debate in Ohio that one can gain TOO MUCH support. Wait… too much support? I know Hillary Clinton often alienates various factions, usually just as a result of her tongue slips, dirty politics, and overall horrible personality, but could she effectively cause Obama to throw away some of his excess support?

Farrakhan’s words:

“This young man [Obama] is the hope of the entire world that America will change and be made better,” he said. “This young man is capturing audiences of black and brown and red and yellow. If you look at Barack Obama’s audiences and look at the effect of his words, those people are being transformed.”

Farrakhan’s support seems like poison for any black politician, better yet, any person needing to gain popular support. Maybe if I, a desk jockey DC resident, wear a “F*CK FARRAKHAN” shirt on a weekly basis, I’ll be able to gain enough popular support to become a senator by the time I’m 35? (I’m 25 now)

It is understandable why Obama, Clinton, and any other politician would want to distance themselves from Farrakhan and anyone like him. Farrakhan spreads hate, and his anti-semitic views don’t have any place in America (maybe Iran?).

It was obvious to me (and probably everyone else who follows news and politics) as soon as I saw the headline “Farrakhan praises Obama” that Obama would have some SPLAININ to do, but why is that? It is my understanding that politicians are supposed to GAIN support by, be elected by, and represent their constituents. Obama already made many public statements denouncing Farrakhan and his antisemitic views, probably more than most politicians because both Farrakhan and Obama are from Illinois (oh yeah, and because Obama is black). After denouncing Farrakhan time and time again, Farrakhan still chose to “support” Obama. And by “support,” I mean praise him as the HOPE OF THE ENTIRE WORLDDDDDDD!!!

During the February 26th debate, Obama was asked by Tim Russert if Obama “accepts the support” of Louis Farrakhan:

Okay, well played Senator Clinton… apparently “denouncing” Farrakhan just wasn’t enough. Maybe Senator Obama should have worn the “F*CK FARRAKHAN” shirt I referenced earlier to this debate. Had he worn that shirt, Clinton would probably have accepted none less than Obama declaring to hunt down Farrakhan to strangle him to death with is bare hands.

This exchange between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama over the suopport of AntiSemites reminded me of one slightly famous, very crazy, always antisemitic woman who has been a very popular and visual supporter of Hillary Clinton – ANN COULTER. Why didn’t Tim Russert, the moderator who is a part of the media alliance (alleged by Senator Clinton) that apparently has been unfairly nice to Senator Obama, ask Hillary if she accepts or rejects the support of Ann Coulter? For those who don’t know who Ann Coulter is, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ann_Coulter describes her as a controversial American attorney, conservative columnist, political commentator and best-selling author.

Here is an example of her anti-semitism:

And here is Coulter’s broadcasted support for Hillary:

And if you still aren’t convinced, here is more on her support of Hillary:

Obama was put on the spot by Tim Russert, who played the “Farrakhan Card,” as Hillary has an anti-semitic columnist/political commentator/author campaigning for her on Fox News! I don’t believe that either Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama should have to apologize for or reject any of their supporters. The Farrakhan card was played well, but where was the Coulter card? Is there such thing as a Coulter card? Where are my pants? WHERE IS THE BEEF?

A friend of mine said:

“We’re free to endorse whoever we want to endorse, and Obama should not be faulted because he was endorsed by a leader who represents some radical fringe values. If anything, I think that it’s positive that people like Farrakhan can support a presidential candidate who isn’t crazy.

I’d say Obama has a bright future if he can garner both the support of Farrakhan and Phil Hinson”

Yes, this friend of mine’s name is Phil Hinson, he’s a genius. As a matter of fact, he should start a blog if he hasn’t already. But I digress…

Obama effectively gained the support of blacks, whites, rich, poor, Jews, Farrakhanites, etc… Good Lord, if he doesn’t get elected into office, at least give him a huge prize. This uncanny ability to bring people together plays a big role in his campaign, and is one of the reasons he is the democratic front-runner right now. There is no doubt in my mind that many who seek political office are taking notes on his every move… what’s next? I’m not saying that as President he will immediately bring together and resolve all issues between Israel and Palestine – but if he COULD, do you think Tim Russert and Hillary Clinton would be okay with that?

Why I Will Vote For Obama

I like the agenda, most of the platform, the idea of changing Washington and putting the power back in the hands of the people.

And shit like this doesn’t hurt!!!

 The man’s a beast